It is officially “cuffing season” and ya girl Miz Cook wants to weigh in on the notion and give some advice to those who might be yearning for a partner. I am by NO MEANS an expert on relationships. But I do consider myself an expert observer of human behavior, so with that being said, I think I might have some useful information for you as we enter this time of year where being single is really for the birds.
For a definition of this phenomenon, I went straight to Urban Dictionary because, well, I don’t think this is a Webster’s kind of thing. UD gave several “definitions”, but the gist is, when it gets cold outside and as the holidays approach, being single is less alluring. This time of year can be lonely, so it is common for single folks to link up and become involved in a relationship. But before you jump the gun OR the broom, read on and mull over my thoughts.
It is my honest opinion and belief that before you can extend and share love with anyone else, you must fully love YOURSELF. Too often we look for the missing pieces of ourselves in another person. Several years ago, I went through a pretty messy and painful break up. I sought counseling to help me navigate my way through some of my emotions. One of the things I learned, in a very tearful session, that I carry with me to this day is this; when you are in a relationship, in order for it to be successful, you must see yourself and your partner as a full circle. Each of you are (or should be) complete on your own- autonomous. When you join your circles together, you create a third circle, also complete, that represents your relationship. But if you remove that third circle created by the joining of the original two, those two circles are still whole. Did you follow me, because in my brain, I explained that spot on…reality doesn’t always align with my brain though, so my fingers are truly crossed on this one because I REALLY want you to understand what I am trying to say here...it is the premise of this entire article. Self-love is imperative (no, not THAT kind of self-love-freaks) before you can try to love anyone else romantically. Sometimes, despite the way it makes us feel, what we need more than a relationship is to be completely and fully single and grow comfortable with ourselves. Date yourself-take yourself to dinner or the movies or shopping or to the beach to watch a sunrise or sunset. Get to know YOU, what do you like to do? Who are you? When you are comfortable with and enjoy your own company, you carry yourself with a confidence that attracts people to you.
Now, let’s talk about when cuffing season ends. Usually right around Spring break, you will see all kinds of Instagram photos captioned #teamsolo or Facebook posts with a single pair of feet in the sand. Why is that? Because nothing lasts forever…all good things come to an end. And when they do, I implore you to refrain from airing your dirty laundry on the same venues you posted your bliss. Because why? Because one day soon, it will again be cuffing season and you will again be sending out pheromones attempting to attract a mate. Pheromones are strong, but words, they are even stronger. So don’t let yours come back to bite you in the badonk. Hurting after a breakup is natural. It is as much a part of the cycle as courting itself. But posting about how your ex did you wrong, or any subliminal, bitter posts of the same genre for that matter, won’t fare well with someone who sees you as a potential love interest. At least not someone who is WHOLE.
Pardon the cheesy analogy here, but this is where this whole conversation comes full-wait for it…CIRCLE 😉 A whole person will seek another whole person. And whole people are less likely to be messy, or malicious, or downright ugly when it comes to matters of the heart. So, as you swim through the pond looking for your fish, keep these thoughts and pointers in mind. Hopefully, they resonate with you and you find them useful. I’d love to hear your thoughts and feedback from this post, so do me a solid and chat it up below! Thanks for reading!